Friday, March 12, 2010
So Much For Putting Down Roots
Those of you who know me probably know how unhappy I have been and still am with my husband's choice of careers. Even more so now that they aren't going to give him what he wants and needs where we are currently living, a place we just moved to in October. They are expanding into another state within a year's time and because they aren't following through with promises here, we will probably go there. The thing is, I don't want to go there if the promises will remain broken. I'm tired of being told that if we do this, his career will be better because so far, in the last 5 years, we've really experienced nothing but lies. The fact of the matter is that he doesn't see that but I do. I see how the things we want keep being dangled in front of us and then when we reach up to grab it, it's yanked away.
Honestly, where we currently live, I'm not too thrilled about. I didn't really want to come here, but stepped aside to let my husband follow his career to new heights. I stopped fighting him on it and let him have his way. I left very good friends and family behind to come to a place where I knew people weren't going to be very friendly or nice or open to making friends with me. But I thought maybe it would be different than that and I should just do it and have a good attitude and go with the flow. And even though I've tried, it has been exactly how I thought it would be--miserable and lonely and like trying to break into a junior high school clique. Not to mention all the places I go that remind me of high school, when my hopes and dreams had my life leading an entirely different direction, so on a daily basis, I'm reminded of what I wanted for my life that I didn't get.
Yet the thought of moving again really makes me feel sick inside. I don't like this place but I don't want to move even further away from my family. Right now, it's a day's drive to any family. If we move again to the new place, it will be at least 2 days drive one way, and our finances being what they are, it will be unaffordable for us to ever see any family.
I'm quite upset at my husband's company for the situation we're in right now. I don't understand why they can't just promote him this time around, why they are standing in his way and not letting him when the people he works directly under say he's ready. That regional manager just doesn't seem to want to see my husband succeed and it's really starting to tick me off.
All I can say is this: we will not move again unless there is a promotion in the deal. No promotion, no move. That is what I said about this most recent move, but my husband talked me into it without the promotion. I certainly regret that now. I have very bitter, hard feelings toward my husband's company.
Of course, now that I think about it, I guess one more move, even further away, wouldn't make my life any worse. I already am completely isolated from most everyone and lonely to the core anyway. What's a few thousand miles more?