What on earth was I thinking? Why did I think I could do this again? How did I manage to get through my previous pregnancies? I have no idea.
I am so sick. I am unable to function. My house is a disaster area, and if any of you know me, you know that says a lot, because usually it is very clean. I can't get control of my kids. My 3- and 2-year-olds keep chasing each other around the house, dangerously, and I can't get them to stop.
The laundry isn't getting washed. The bathrooms are exceptionally disgusting.
I can't eat a thing. Well, that's a lie. I do eat, but I force feed myself because I need the nutrition. I gag it down. Usually it stays down, fortunately. But I have the dry heaves all day. And night. And the nausea is with me 100% of the time. It never leaves.
I can't sleep because of it. I'm exhausted. I sit on the couch and yell at my kids and cry because I'm so frustrated.
I guess it's just harder this time. I have four kids. I'm in my 30s, not my 20s. And this is the first time that I've had to get up to get kids off to school during a pregnancy. My last pregnancy, my oldest child had just turned 4 during the first trimester.
I am at my wits' end. I'm barely functioning. I'm not sure how my son will get to his bus stop tomorrow morning. I hope I can get him there.
Every single day is a challenge. Every single morning I wake up feeling worse than I thought I could ever feel.
Is this really worth it?
Sorry about the vent. I can't help it. I'm too frustrated to do anything else. All I want to do is sit down and bawl. But that makes me gag, so I refrain.