Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Worries

It's nearly 5 am. I've been awake since 3 am. I got up to go to the bathroom and was upset to find that I was bleeding. A lot. I've been spotting since last weekend on and off. My doctor didn't seem to concerned when I told her at my appointment last week. The ultrasound showed a viable pregnancy and a tiny, rapid heartbeat. So I relaxed. But the bleeding has continued since and not ebbed.

I'm still not sure if this is a miscarriage or just the first trimester bleeding I experienced with my three previous pregnancies. I don't have cramping. Or maybe I do. I can't tell. Feels like indigestion to me.

I go in today for a microRhogam shot. I'm Rh negative and because I've been spotting, they want to give me the shot to prevent complications from Rh incompatibility. I will definitely be talking to the doctor about this and if the pregnancy is still viable.

Until then, I'm a nervous Nellie. But I must not dwell on it. My second child has his kindergarten testing appointment this morning and I need to be fully there for him.

I know I've been negative. But if I miscarry, I'm not sure I will be trying to get pregnant again. I didn't want such a huge gap between any of my kids and at this rate, my daughter will be four. I also don't know if I can go through another month of morning sickness again, only to possibly miscarry again.

Well, I'm going to get ready for the day. Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. There's not much to do at this point. If I'm going to miscarry, nothing will change that.

My oldest child will be so disappointed. He was so excited to be a big brother again. I think that will be the hardest part of all.


4 comments:

NatureGirl said...

Positive Thoughts and prayers coming your way this morning...

Devin & Ruthann said...

I'll be praying for you! No cramping is a good sign. Take it easy!!!

Royalbird said...

Well, I just got back from the doctor's office.

I got my Rhogam shot and then sat down with the doctor to talk about the bleeding. I told her how I'd had bleeding in three of my previous pregnancies, but I can't remember the details of those, like how long, how much, etc. I told her how I didn't really have cramping, and the bleeding wasn't heavy, but pretty consistent, she said it sounds like bleeding is something that is "normal" for me and that I just need to wait it out. If it gets worse and I start really cramping, then we'll talk about doing another ultrasound.

So, I don't really feel at ease, but I guess there's really nothing to do but wait.

Amber said...

Jenna, I am so sorry I missed this, having been in the middle of my own bleeding crisis!

I think your worries are completely valid. In every book, website, and information sheet you will read on pregnancy, it says that bleeding in the first trimester is something you should always ask your practitioner about. While it may or may not be normal for you, it is still scary. I am so sorry that you must experience this. I also completely understand your feelings that you could not do this again. I have felt similarly, not wanting to go through the horrible heartache and anxiety associated with a miscarriage. Especially since you want that baby so bad!

I'm here for you if you ever need me.

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