I am so exhausted by life. It's not just the pregnancy. It's life in general. It's so much work to just live. To keep up with four kids. To manage a household. To strengthen a marriage. To do all the things we are supposed to be doing.
I sit here and think, I should do this or that to make my marriage better. But I'm just so tired and overwhelmed by everything that I do nothing. I think about how I could be a better primary teacher. A better mother. More involved in my children's school. More involved with the neighbors.
Most days, it's all I can do to just get out of bed in the morning, choke down breakfast and get one child out the door on time to school. Most days I don't have it in me to shower or get ready myself. It's just too exhausting. I hate not feeling fresh and clean and looking my best, but at the same time, why does it even matter? Nobody cares. Nobody usually sees me during the day.
Maybe it is just the pregnancy. But I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted by life before it. I think it has just compounded the feeling.
And then when I think about how I feel like doing nothing, I feel guilty about being lazy and uninvolved.
And now I'm too tired to think. I guess I'll go to bed.