I've decided that I am not a baby person. With my last baby, after she was born, I really tried hard to enjoy the early months of her babyhood, thinking she might be the last, or at least was near the last. Honestly, I look back and can't remember the first few weeks at all--they must have been really hard to be sucked from my memory like that. When I try to remember, I just draw a blank.
This might be our last baby. We haven't decided for sure yet. So I'm trying, once again, to enjoy the babyhood of my baby.
But, to be honest, babies stress me out.
In fact, I think I start to de-stress with the kids when they hit about 3--so they're potty trained, talking, walking, mostly teethed, etc. They tell you what they want, they can feed themselves and dress themselves.
When my babies cry, I freak out. Even from the second they start crying. Even when I know that what they want is to eat or have a diaper change or just be held. The sound of my baby crying always freezes me for a split second. I always feel this desperation and dread seeping in when I hear that crying and sometimes it takes all I have inside to do anything about it.
I was never one to want to hold new babies, mine or other people's. I just don't really enjoy holding babies.
I really am trying to enjoy this very brief period of time, I am. But even my trying to enjoy it is adding an element of stress. When he cries, and I think, "oh no, not again," my next thought always is, "I need to just enjoy this. Why can't I just enjoy this?"
So that brings me back to the idea that I am simply not a baby person. Babies are cute. I like to look at them. But I really don't enjoy this phase. I really start enjoying my kids once they hit about three years old. I will keep trying to enjoy this, though, because I know how quickly it passes.
And really, isn't this just the cutest baby ever?