I am stumbling right now. I feel like God has not answered any of my prayers for a long time and that has made me reluctant to even bother praying. I feel like all I do is try, try, try but nothing ever comes of my efforts.
My kids are constantly fighting and nothing I say or do seems to help.
No matter how much I budget and budget, I feel like the finances are crumbling. I'm also in a constant state of worry due to the rising costs of everything. Food prices are supposed to go up. Taxes increased and lots of people are reporting how it's already affecting them (the tax changes). I honestly don't know how badly it has hit us yet because my husband's company only paid him for one week at the beginning of January instead of two. Something about the dates every few years makes them think they should only give us three weeks worth of pay in January. That alone hit us hard, getting paid for only three weeks instead of four. We had to get our car fixed--a repair we've been putting off for more than a year. We had half of the amount in savings but had to pay cash the other half, which will cut down how much we can pay on some outstanding debt, debt we've been trying to get rid of for seven years. I just feel extremely frustrated. I budget the money, I try hard to stick to the budget, we pay our tithing, but it just seems like things are not working out for us.
I'm frustrated with my calling. That's putting it lightly. It really, really bothers me that the same people always seem to be called to the same callings (other people who go from presidency to presidency and me who has held the same callings in all the wards I've been in as an adult). It seems I'm condemned to be a lifelong member of the Relief Society committee when I'm not teaching Primary. I wish I could have the opportunity to serve in a capacity where I actually get to know other people on an intimate level (face it, in church, the only way to do that is to serve in a presidency with them) or to have other opportunities of growth (teach in Relief Society, serve on cub scouts or activity days, or teach in Young Women's, to name a few). I wish I could figure out what it is I'm supposed to learn from being on the Relief Society committee because maybe if I learned it, I wouldn't have to do it anymore. When I was in college, I was once given the calling "Sacrament Meeting prayer coordinator". I knew they had made up the calling so I could have a calling. Sure, it probably helped them out to have the prayers arranged before church on Sunday, but it was a nothing calling that didn't really allow me to get to know anybody. I know that callings aren't the only way to get to know people, but for someone like me, who isn't naturally outgoing and aggressive in meeting people, it sure helps to have a reason to get to know someone.
So, I'm feeling very low. People ask if I'm excited about the upcoming baby, and right now, all I can think about is how worried I am about money. It clouds over everything. I'm so tired of budgeting down to the penny and then little expenses keep coming up--one child needs new socks, another child breaks his (much-needed) glasses, something goes wrong with the car, another smoke alarm stops functioning properly, etc., etc. I know life isn't supposed to be easy, but can't we ever catch a little tiny break once in a while?