Today I am in utter disbelief that Jordan is gone. It seems like, since it's been just over a month, that we are just overdue for a conversation. It seems like any moment now I will hear a ping on my phone and receive a text message from him. I feel the urge to call him to see what's going on because it's been just over a month since I talked with him last, but then with a gut-sinking feeling, I remember that I can't just call him because he is not there. I keep looking for his "likes" and comments on my Facebook posts, but they do not come.
How can this be true? How can this be reality? One of my brothers is gone for the rest of my mortal life already. Already. This isn't supposed to happen, is it? All six of us are supposed to outlive our parents. We are supposed to have many more family reunions where we can talk and laugh about past memories and imagine our futures.
How could it have happened this way? Jordan, you weren't supposed to leave so suddenly. This just can't be right. We were supposed to be able to get together, a long time from now, after our kids are grown and married and having their own kids and talk about our grandkids and reminisce about these years.
It just doesn't seem right. The timing is all wrong. How could this happen? That question reverberates through my mind over and over. How could this happen?