Worry

I need to write more.  It's therapeutic for me.  It has always been my dream to be a writer.  I have stories in my head, lots and lots of stories.  Some I have started writing down but never finished.  I feel like my life is too cluttered to write though.  I can't sort through all my thoughts because my head is full of all of my worries.  And I have so many.

I worry about finances.  That's a big one.  It seems that good fortune never comes our way when it comes to money.  We scrimp and save and chip away at the debt but it seems we never make headway.  Our debt isn't even that serious compared to some but it's enormous for us.  I feel like we're being punished for having it in the first place and the only way to be financially blessed is to get out of debt, which is pretty much impossible without some sort of blessing.  We'll get a decent amount in the way of a tax return or other means and then we'll have to use it just to pay the bills during the summer when my piano students are fewer and preschool is out.  It's frustrating.  We can't ever get ahead.

I worry about my husband's job.  I worry that he's unhappy, that he's unhealthy.  I worry that he'll get killed in a car accident driving late at night when he's tired.  I worry that he'll have a heart attack because he isn't healthy and doesn't want to do anything about it. 

I worry about my kids.  I worry about the opportunities we aren't able to provide for them.  I worry that they are missing out on important things because they can't do what they are good at.  My daughter was asked to join the team at gymnastics.  It would triple the cost, something we are already barely scraping together.  I wish we could do it.  What will she be missing by not doing it?  Should we be doing everything in our power to make it happen?I already feel very overwhelmed and stretched thin as it is.  Then there's our son, also a gymnast, who might have the same opportunity, which is why we put him in gymnastics in the first place. I guess we thought it would be several years before these opportunities came knocking and we might have more money then. 

I worry about my kids spiritual growth.  I feel like we're not doing enough, that we are letting the world take too great a hold on them, but I feel like it's  tidal wave that we can't stop.  It's so overwhelming and frightening to me, watching them make choices that aren't keeping them on the right path and then watching them deal with the natural consequences.  How can I be better with them so they can hopefully make better choices?  Is it even possible?

So, that's why I don't write much.  I feel like the problems are too much and my mind is too cluttered to organize my writing.  But maybe writing a little bit every week or so will help it not be so scattered.