Writing and Missing Normal Life

I need to start writing again.  I have missed it a lot.  Since we moved to Texas, I haven't been able to get my life in order enough to take time out for me to write.  I need to do this.

Writing is an outlet for me.  Heaven knows an outlet is sorely needed right now with life being the way it is.  We have the novel coronavirus (SARS-COV-2), aka covid-19.  We have also been having protests due to racial inequality.  I really have no desire to get political.  I don't feel that I have enough skill to adequately write about such topics and defend my point of view in a competent way.  So the only mention I might make of them is how they are affecting me.

The last time I really wrote was after my seventh child was born.  He is now four years old.  Life has continued to keep me feeling derailed ever since we moved to Texas and I still haven't felt like I have gained any sort of control over anything since that move.  I still regret moving.  I don't know what life would have been like for my family had we not left Utah, but I haven't found much to be delighted about since moving here.  But I need to start looking for these things.

Coronavirus has rocked my world.  My problem is that I don't want to accept the changes it has caused as a "new normal". I was already struggling with the old normal and the new one is so much worse that it's hard trying to accept it.  I want my kids to be able to play sports and participate in music programs at school.  But if coronavirus makes it so they can't, I will be devastated for them.  And for me, to be quite honest.  One of the few joys I've had as a person these last few years has been being able to watch my kids do what they love--singing in a choir, playing in the marching band or concert band, playing football, basketball and volleyball, and doing gymnastics.  Not being able to attend end-of-the-year concerts or have my daughter participate in her volleyball league really sucked for me.  It's not about the break-neck pace of life that I miss. Of course I don't miss that!  But I really missed that final band concert.  That concert last year and the year before was so AMAZING, that I had been looking forward to it all year!  I was probably more disappointed to miss attending than my sons were from not being able to play in it.  Same with those choir concerts.

Coronavirus made it so I couldn't work.  I had to stop teaching preschool during my spring break and not finish the year with my cute preschool kids.  That has been a really hard thing, both because I love to do it and also because our income has suffered.  Same with teaching piano.  No piano recital, no lessons since March.  I know some people have continued with private music lessons by using an online platform.  I tried that for two weeks, but it just wasn't working for me.  It was too frustrating for me and my students.  I guess I just don't have the teaching skills to do distance teaching.  Maybe one day I could learn, but I also don't really have the desire to do that.  So that has changed our world.  At my husband's work, his business has declined from the usual pace, which was already hit and miss.  His income has been quite a bit lower the last two months as well.  And not looking to improve any time soon.

I just heard today that our church's general conference that is held every six months, in April and October, will be virtual again in October FOUR MONTHS away!  That tells me they think coronavirus is still going to be causing problems worldwide in four months.  That sucks away any hope I had for things to resume normally this fall.  I literally got an upset stomach when I heard that news.

If I could just accept that life will have to be lived virtually from now on, maybe I could come to terms with it.  But I don't want that kind of life.  I don't want my kids to have that kind of life.  And frankly, I don't see how it can be the kind of life that Heavenly Father wants us to have.  So I struggle.

I'm going to try to start writing again.  Sometimes I will vent my frustrations.  Sometimes I will write about whatever is on my mind.  Sometimes I'll probably have funny stories to share.  The only thing that is keeping me going right now is being here for my kids.  That's all that matters to me right now.

Worry

I need to write more.  It's therapeutic for me.  It has always been my dream to be a writer.  I have stories in my head, lots and lots of stories.  Some I have started writing down but never finished.  I feel like my life is too cluttered to write though.  I can't sort through all my thoughts because my head is full of all of my worries.  And I have so many.

I worry about finances.  That's a big one.  It seems that good fortune never comes our way when it comes to money.  We scrimp and save and chip away at the debt but it seems we never make headway.  Our debt isn't even that serious compared to some but it's enormous for us.  I feel like we're being punished for having it in the first place and the only way to be financially blessed is to get out of debt, which is pretty much impossible without some sort of blessing.  We'll get a decent amount in the way of a tax return or other means and then we'll have to use it just to pay the bills during the summer when my piano students are fewer and preschool is out.  It's frustrating.  We can't ever get ahead.

I worry about my husband's job.  I worry that he's unhappy, that he's unhealthy.  I worry that he'll get killed in a car accident driving late at night when he's tired.  I worry that he'll have a heart attack because he isn't healthy and doesn't want to do anything about it. 

I worry about my kids.  I worry about the opportunities we aren't able to provide for them.  I worry that they are missing out on important things because they can't do what they are good at.  My daughter was asked to join the team at gymnastics.  It would triple the cost, something we are already barely scraping together.  I wish we could do it.  What will she be missing by not doing it?  Should we be doing everything in our power to make it happen?I already feel very overwhelmed and stretched thin as it is.  Then there's our son, also a gymnast, who might have the same opportunity, which is why we put him in gymnastics in the first place. I guess we thought it would be several years before these opportunities came knocking and we might have more money then. 

I worry about my kids spiritual growth.  I feel like we're not doing enough, that we are letting the world take too great a hold on them, but I feel like it's  tidal wave that we can't stop.  It's so overwhelming and frightening to me, watching them make choices that aren't keeping them on the right path and then watching them deal with the natural consequences.  How can I be better with them so they can hopefully make better choices?  Is it even possible?

So, that's why I don't write much.  I feel like the problems are too much and my mind is too cluttered to organize my writing.  But maybe writing a little bit every week or so will help it not be so scattered.

Behind in Blogging

I know I have gotten really bad about keeping up with this blog.  I do actually have quite a few mostly written posts that need a little revision, just waiting to be published, but I just haven't had the motivation to finish them.

Here's the big news...I'm pregnant again.  I knew pretty much right away and at about two weeks started in with the terrible morning sickness, which I've now been dealing with for eight weeks.  I had some bloodwork done a couple times already and an ultrasound at six weeks (an extensive ultrasound), and this pregnancy is not molar.  So far, so good.  I'm ten weeks along now and am due on March 26th.  I really don't care if it's a boy or a girl, all I care about is getting past the horrible morning sickness, which usually (mostly) dissipates by about sixteen weeks (although I still usually have it in the morning the rest of the pregnancy).

My kids have been super helpful.  My nine-year-old has bathed his baby brother and gotten him ready for bed on more than one occasion when my husband hasn't been around.  Both the nine-year-old and the seven-year-old have been helpful in bringing me food that we have on hand that I crave.  They've helped with chores, like loading the washing machine, and doing the dishes.  So it's been great this time around to have older kids who can really help out.

I will try to catch up on my blogging when I'm feeling better, but don't be surprised if you don't see any posts from me for another several weeks or even more than a month.

End of Hiatus and Blog Ideas

Oye!  I haven't posted anything new for several weeks.  I just got too busy with pre-vacation preparations and then I was on vacation, and blogging kind of slipped to the wayside.

Not only that, but I've been rethinking this blog.  I still feel like it's floundering, like I can't seem to make it the way I want it.  I want a place to write my thoughts on whatever floats my boat.  Most of the time, I like to mull over the social issues that crop up, especially in the political arena, yet I'm not very politically minded so I wouldn't be very successful at a highly political blog.  There are too many other times I want to talk religion and too many other times I just want to reflect on life in general.  Therefore, I would love to co-create a community of bloggers who are like-minded on social issues and religiously with whom I could connect.  I've been a member of Mormon Mommy Blogs for about four years but feel very unfulfilled by the shallow babble that takes place on that site.  I also started frequenting certain Christian blogsites (Women Living Well, Raising Homemakers) but feel like I cannot connect with others there because they believe that since I'm a Mormon, I'm not a Christian.  Even though I tend to agree with these sites more than most of the Mormon sites I've found on issues of child-rearing and living my religion, they do not accept me as one of them because I believe that Heavenly Father, Jesus, and the Holy Ghost are separate beings and that the Book of Mormon is scripture like the Bible and that you actually have to be good in order to attain the highest degree of salvation, not just profess belief in Christ to attain it.  So I've been thinking about creating a blog site of my own with contributors who share similar beliefs and ideas.

The question is, would anyone who reads this blog be interested in partnering with me to create a new site with the target audience being LDS women who are mothers who want to become better homemakers and give ideas on how to do that and live our religion and be "in the world but not of the world?"

Two Things On My Mind

The last couple of days I've seen two different topics popping up on blogs and new sites:  reviews of Hunger Games (both the book and movie) and the topic of religion and politics.

I have been asked by many friends, acquaintances, and even family members if I've read that series of books.  They know I'm a reader and probably figured since they liked it, I would like it too.  After reading a brief synopsis of the books after they came out and reviews by other readers, I decided against reading the books.  Since I haven't read the books, I really have no interest in seeing the movie either.  Mostly, I'm just not interested in reading books where the setting is a dystopian society.  I really can't stand books or movies that are about the end of the world, or post-apocalyptic societies or dystopian societies.  I find them, as a whole, to be disturbing.  I don't like coming away feeling uneasy, which is how I'm left feeling after viewing or reading such a work.

Then I stumbled onto some blogs that railed on Hunger Games as being something not worthy of reading or watching, as Latter-day Saints.  The 13th Article of Faith states that "if there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things."  These bloggers were talking about how Hunger Games, both the books and the movie, did not fall into this classification.  Not having read the books, I couldn't say for sure whether they did or didn't, but reading what content was in the books, I could see how people would make those judgments.  Then people were commenting that Harry Potter was equally dark and violent and equating that to something that is not worthy for us to read or view.  But then that brings to question most entertainment generally.  I felt Harry Potter contained pretty strong Christian symbolism and the classic literary theme of good versus evil as well as following some of the classic archetypal characters you find in good literature.  Having not read Hunger Games, I can't say whether Suzanne Collins utilized those classic literary tools in her writing or not.

I still have no desire to read the series or see the movie.  I am just not interested in plots that take place in such a dismal setting. 

With politics and religion, many bloggers have been harsh on LDS people for supporting a certain candidate.  They feel that those of us who support him do because he is Mormon.  I feel that upstanding moral character is of great importance in a strong leader.  Those who say that moral character isn't important are mistaken, in my opinion.  A leader's way of thinking is formed by his moral grounding (or lack thereof) and often that relays back to the tenets of his faith.  If that person is truly living, as best as they can, by those beliefs, they often possess stronger moral character than someone who picks and chooses which tenets of their faith to live by and only live by the ones they like.  Most religions teach that sex should only be practiced within the bonds of marriage, that how we treat others is of great importance, that there is sanctity in the creation of life, that there is a great Creator or Supreme Being who is over all.  There are certain leaders we've seen in the last several years who profess to follow a faith but then they do not stay true to the tenets of that faith.  That, to me, shows a lack of moral character.  If a man (or woman) cannot hold true to the beliefs they claim drive them, what else are they deceitful about?  That is why I believe that what shapes a person is of vital importance to understand them.  If they claim to be Christian but have no issues with things like gay marriage or abortion or living with a partner outside of marriage, and so forth, I don't believe that they understand what their religion teaches, or they choose not to follow all of their religion.  If they are like that with something so influential of character as their religious roots, how will they be in other areas of their life?  Where is their integrity?

So whether or not I vote for a candidate because he's Mormon shouldn't matter.  The fact is that his Mormon faith shaped him to be a man of upstanding moral character, at least compared with many of his opponents (not all--some were equally moral, just with different parts of their platforms I didn't feel were sound).  If a man's Muslim faith, or Jewish faith, or Evangelical Christian faith did the same and he remained a person of integrity, I think I would feel the same way.

Integrity, moral character, those are things I look for in a good leader.  Our current president I feel is lacking greatly in those qualities.  He might be a fine orator and even a well-intentioned person, but he lacks qualities of character I think are necessary to be a good leader.

Notes From Story At Home, Part Two

Saturday

On Saturday, the whole day consisted of breakout sessions where we had three classes each session to choose from.

Leigh Anne Wilkes 
She is a popular blogger at Your Homebased Mom, another blog I had never read or heard of before this conference (I say another because all the aforementioned blogs were ones I'd never heard of before). She spoke about blogging your passion and growing your blog.

• Focus on your passion.  Is there an area in your life in which good things happen?  Do you have an aptitude for something you like?  What do you do naturally, effortlessly?  What could you teach?  What brings you joy?  About the only thing I could think of that applied to me in this case is cleaning and organizing--what a boring blog that would be, I think!
• Be yourself on your blog (some people won't like you).
• Be authentic and open; share the good and the ugly.  Not sure if I agree with this.  People don't want to read the ugly unless it's something they can commiserate with.  I guess you'd have to find a balance, like three happy and good to every one ugly. 
• Provide quality content (content  is king):  fresh, relevant, consistent
• Community is queen.   Utilize social media, like Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.  She said that Pinterest can increase blog traffic by 25% but I'm not sure I want people repinning my stuff, and I have yet to join Pinterest.  Plus there are all sorts of legal ramifications of using Pinterest that sounded extremely confusing to me, which I learned about in the next breakout session. She also talked about finding a community of like-minded bloggers. I wanted to think that Mormon Mommy Blogs (MMB) was that community for me, but I have been somewhat disgusted with a lot of the things they post about over there. I link up to Women Living Well, but since I'm LDS, lots of those bloggers over there think I'm not Christian. So it's been a hard road for me to find a community of "like-minded bloggers". There aren't a whole lot of other bloggers out there who want to discuss major social issues and concerns wrapped up in religion. So we'll see.
• Be patient, work hard, and be consistent. I have been writing my blog for four years now and I'm kind of frustrated with the traffic and comments I get, which is very little. I'm not sure how to get more people interested in reading and leaving comments. I'd like to have some good discussions on here but can't seem to generate the interest.
Then she talked about reasons why people stop reading a blog:  posting too much or too little; sell too much stuff; too much about yourself; too much politics or religion (unless it's a religious or political blog); bad language (funny, because Jen over at People I Want to Punch in the Throat drops the f-bomb about six times per post, sometimes three to four times in one paragraph, and she has about 2700 followers and gets about 150+ comments per post); and there's music playing, a black background, or too small of font. Then she talked about reasons to follow a blog: it's pretty; lots of pictures; the content; makes you a better person for following; makes you laugh, smile, is genuine, makes you cry; the writer responds to your comments.

A decently trafficked blog gets about 20-25K hits/month, according to Mrs. Wilkes.  She summarized by saying 1) work hard; 2) do it because you love it; 3) be patient. 

I feel like there are some changes I'd like to make on my blog after listening to her workshop.  I'm not sure what I will change, but just know there will be some changes. 

Tauni Everett and Alison Moore Smith
These two ladies talked about monetizing your blog.  Now it would be nice to be able to make money off something I spend all this time doing, but the way they presented it, I felt very overwhelmed and destined to failure if I were to ever try doing that.  Not only that, but I didn't understand half of what they were talking about.  They did touch on some of the legal ramifications of blogs, linking to other blogs, Pinterest and other social networking sites.  One thing they said was that if you do a giveaway on your blog, you aren't supposed to post about it on Facebook.  I didn't know that and have seen many, many people do it (and did it myself once, but the giveaway was a joke.  Not only did I only get two people who even entered the giveaway, when I tried to contact the company, they never got back to me.  Never.  I've tried and tried.  So if you entered that giveaway, sorry about that).  So I'm not going to waste time transferring my notes because I really didn't understand most of what they said.

The next class I attended was called Striking a Balance Between Real Life and Online.  I was not impressed with the first speaker's presentation so I will skip that.  The second speaker, Jana Parkin, gave a little quiz that seemed relevant:  (Jana also has a popular blog but I couldn't find it.)

1. Was the first connection you made this morning with a live person or an electronic device? What about last night?
2. Have you spent time outdoors today?  Yesterday?
3. Have you spent more than 90 consecutive minutes connected to the Internet in the last 24 hours?
4. Have you spent at least 20 minutes today focused on relationships?

The next class was Telling Your Story--Isn't that what your blog is for? and the speaker was DeNae Handy.  I heard her speak at the Casual Blogger Conference in 2010 and she gave pretty much the exact same spiel.

She talked about writing the Hero's Journey, referenced in my post yesterday.  How the protagonist, a regular person, starts out, is given an extraordinary assignment, they meet an ally, then there's the moment of truth, a watershed event, the allies are rewarded, enemies are banished, and the hero is crowned king.  She compared it to musical phrasing and needing a resolution in the music.
Other tips:

1. Examine the writing you already like and what elements of those genres are in common with each other.
2. Keep it to 500-700 words.
3. Short, simple paragraphs and sentences (3 sentences max per paragraph on a blog).
4. Use literate language (proper grammar).
5. Be careful about humor slipping into sarcasm that can be demeaning and hurtful.

So I guess I  have to work on all that, since I tend to write blog posts more like essays.  Hmmm....

Last, but not least (my favorite class of the whole conference):
Integrating Your Blog With Social Media
Michael Reynolds, CEO of SpinWeb
First, he listed blogging purposes:

• Tell a story to connect with family and friends.
• Market a business or a non-profit.
• As a platform for a cause.
• To teach and to educate
• Personal branding--how other people perceive you

Then he talked about blogging goals:

• Gain new readers and subscribers
• Bring more traffic to your website
• Ignite conversations
• Research topics or gather information

He then discussed the different social media platforms:
Facebook--very casual, good for social blogs, friends, family, consumers
Twitter--fast-paced, action-oriented, snarky, personal/professional
Linked-In--All business, good for professional blogs, groups
Google Plus--High concentration of tech-savvy, creative people
Youtube--good for embedding videos into blogs, increasing SEO (Search Engine Optimization) efforts

He gave tips on a blog infrastructure to make it more attractive and accessible and easier to read.  His workshop was very informative and gave me ideas on how to improve my blog's look and functions. 

All in all, it was a good conference and has made me rethink some of the things I write about and also the structure of this blog.  I do have some things I want to change, but I'm not sure how much change there will be.  Keep on reading, and thank you for reading! 

Please leave comments here on the blog if there's anything that you like about what I've posted previously and any suggestions for what you might like to see.  Thanks!

Notes From Story At Home, Part One

This conference took place on Friday and Saturday March 9th and 10th. I loved that this conference was in downtown Salt Lake City.  I rode the train from where I live.  The first day was all in the Conference Center Theater.  The second day there were classes in the Joseph Smith Memorial Building.

Friday
First we heard from the keynote speaker for the conference, David E. Rencher, who is a genealogist that works for the Church.  He gave tips on telling your family history story.

• Remember and record the story.
• Notice the politics of the story.
• Engage the youth in the story.
• Record the everyday story.
• Record the personal story.

Those were the five biggest key points I pulled from his address. 

Next we heard from Courtney and Christopher Kendrick.  They have a blog that I guess is popular.  Mostly, they just told their story as an example of how to tell a story.

After the Kendricks, we got to hear performances from two great storytellers:  Syd Lieberman and Kim Weitkamp.  They were quite entertaining and I enjoyed their stories.

Friday afternoon
We first heard from Carol Rice and Shantel Park. From what I can tell, they are contributors and possibly owners of the website and company Cherish Bound, which put on this conference. They ran a writing workshop on how to transform telling your story into writing your story.  "We perceive something based on how it's packaged."  We learn to communicate orally before we learn to communicate with the written word."

• Write like you're writing to a best friend.
• Add other senses--what do you hear, smell, etc.?
• Don't always write a chronological story--consider doing it by theme/topic/lessons learned, etc.
• Write the Hero's Journey.  People love stories of how someone ordinary overcame odds.

Next, we heard from Rustin Banks, who is the CEO of BlogFrog.  He talked about writing our own stories, like choosing our own path in life, basically.  I'm not sure his presentation was helpful in any way to my blogging pursuits, but it was interesting.

After that, there was a video presentation put on Family Search about some snippets people had learned from their own family histories.  The little clips were all quite amazing--everyone has such a unique and incredible story to tell!

I did not attend the evening's "Story Slam".  I still don't even know what a "Story Slam" is, but I wanted to get home to my family!

More to come tomorrow about Saturday's workshops...

Story At Home Conference

I attended the Story At Home Conference (family history, storytelling, and blogging) over the weekend that was put on by Cherish Bound partnering with Family Search.  It was very inspirational and I so wish I had been able to attend with a friend or family member.  Because I couldn't find anyone else interested in going, I went alone.  I want to share some of what I learned, but I'm still trying to gather my thoughts.  Plus, with a birthday today (my little boy is one today!), I will probably not have a chance to write more  until later this week...probably not until Friday since the next two days I have a very busy schedule.  That will give me time to formulate what I want to write, though.  So check back in a few days and find out what went on at the conference, what I gleaned from it, and how I will be changing my blog.

Don't Judge Too Quickly

My friend posted this link on Facebook. I read the whole blog post, which was rather long. It was about how a father in a store had belittled his child to make him feel like nothing. The man who wrote the post, a single father, was upset because he sees too many dads doing such things and not realizing how powerful a role they have in their child's life.

I agree with much of what he said about the role of fathers and how a comment, a touch, a kind word or an angry word, can make or break a child was true. I think dads play a powerful role in the life of a child and a very important one.

However, I think in his overly long rant, he went a bit too far. Sometimes, as parents, we just get angry. Sometimes, as parents, we say angry words that are hurtful to our children. Sometimes we don't apologize for them either. I don't think that necessarily will screw our kids up for life because we might do that.

And we also shouldn't really judge what another person is doing at a grocery store in the five or so minutes we see them. We don't know the whole story. Someone posted a video on Facebook a while ago about not knowing the whole story, seeing through new lenses. I wish I could post the link but I couldn't find a non-Facebook link to the video. A man is having a bad day and annoyed with the people around him until he is handed the special glasses. When he puts the glasses on, he sees a statement with each person explaining a little bit of what they're going through and he begins to understand why people act the way they do.

So let's not judge others on their parenting unless they're actually being abusive. I don't think it's right. I've had those days where I was the one yelling at my kids in the grocery store and I don't feel like I'm a terrible parent. We all have bad days. In the meantime, we can try to control our anger and be better parents.

P.S. Try this link to the video and see if it works (if you're on Facebook).

Homecoming Queen

A few weeks ago, this article appeared in the newspaper here. It is about two sisters who were both crowned Homecoming Queen in successive years at a high school in Southern Utah. The interesting thing about the article is that both sisters were born with Down's syndrome.

This is a wonderful example of a high school pulling together to help these girls have a special experience. The neatest part was that the older sister got to give the crown to her younger sister on the night of the Homecoming game.

Oh, and I should mention. The cool thing for me is that the principal of this high school is someone I know--someone I even blogged about in this post a few years ago on Valentine's Day. He's a great guy and a great principal!

I just loved this story and thought it was so great that the school did that. What a wonderful memory for these girls and how great that they could have a positive experience like that in a public high school!

31 for 21 Blog Challenge

If you click on the picture above, it will take you to my friend Gretchen's blog. My friend Gretchen was my best friend in the 3rd and 4th grade. We became friends when I moved to her school in the 3rd grade, a state-to-state move. I was doing back flips on the playground and she came over and challenged me to a contest. I found out that, like me, she was also a gymnast, and it turned out that we both went to the same gym. From then on, we were inseparable. Until I moved away eighteen months later. We've kept in touch through the years.

Last year, she gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. He was born with Down's syndrome. This month, she has issued a blog challenge to blog every day for 31 days to raise awareness for Down's syndrome.

Down's is caused by an extra 21st chromosome and there are 31 days in October, which is Down's syndrome awareness month. Hence, 31 for 21! I am going to attempt this blog challenge.

Other than having a few friends with children who have Down's syndrome, I do not have any experience with it. However, if you read Gretchen's story, and I encourage you to do so, you might begin to understand what a challenge this is. We all have disabilities in one form or another.

I believe that the people who are born with this disability, like her son Julian was, are very special spirits who have a very special purpose in this life. So, click on over to Gretchen's blog and read her story. Then, if you feel so inspired, take on the 31 for 21 challenge too!

Religious Blogging

Can I be honest here?

I am a follower of Mormon Mommy Blogs.

I also follow a Christian blog called Women Living Well.

Can I just say how disappointed I am that the writers of MMB are not usually as frank and straightforward about religion as the writer of WLW?

Sometimes I feel like we Mormons are so afraid of being accused of being judgmental that we water things down when it comes to our beliefs. We don't want someone to be offended by what we think or believe and leave the Church, so we water it down.

Courtney, the writer of WLW, never does this. She frankly tells it how it is. She does it in love but she never waters any of it down. I get more of a spiritual uplift when I read her blog posts that are centered around religion and home and family than I ever do reading MMB, which I think is sad, since the contributors to MMB share my religious beliefs. Sure, I share some of the same beliefs as Courtney as well, but there are many differences. Yet the biggest thing I think I see is that Courtney is never bashful about proclaiming a profound belief and testimony of Jesus Christ, whereas the writers of MMB don't seem to openly share that as much.

And really, to be honest, I can't explain the differences. I just know it's there. And I'll see new posts on my dashboard from MMB but am almost always disappointed by the content, whereas with WLW, I am always excited and eager to read what she posts.

New Ideas

Yesterday, after reading this post on MMB (Mormon Mommy Blogs), I decided to try something new with my blog. I didn't want to pay $17/month for blog ideas, and I don't really like posting more than once a day, unless I really have a lot of different things to talk about, so I couldn't imagine having a blog prompt every day for a year because then I wouldn't feel free to write about other things. But the idea came to me that I have this "Journal Jar" that I made when I was a YSA (young single adult) with writing prompts for a journal or personal and family history. I've used some of them, but really, the jar just sits on my dresser. My husband has even mentioned that maybe I should get rid of the jar because I don't really use it. But I can't do that, there are some great prompts in it. So I decided to go back over the entries I've already written and re-do them blog style and then use the journal jar prompts a few times a week. When I do, I'll put the topic as the title or opening sentence, so you'll know it's a prompt.

Also, I'm going to be revamping my blog a little bit. I noticed that I have WAY too many categories, some of which have only one blog post and it's a bit confusing because some of the categories relate to each other. I also run a family blog and I spent time last week relabeling everything so I could simplify the tag categories and make it easier to find things. I also might be doing some advertising on here, at least I've had some people interested in putting ads on my blog. I'm not sure if that will be cost effective though, since my blog traffic really is quite limited, so I will be testing the waters there. And I might try to give it a new look, but I'm not sure that I'm that web-savvy. So we'll see.

Hiatus

I must explain my long hiatus from the blogosphere. I actually have quite a few things I wanted to write about this month, but we've been dealing with some health issues and other things around here that have kept me from even reading other people's blogs as regularly as I'd like. Plus with Christmas, I was a little more stressed out this year than normal, feeling like I wasn't quite ready for the season. And every year I vow to begin my Christmas preparations really early so that I'm done by December 1st and can just kick back and enjoy the month. That certainly would have helped this December, as I've been dealing with a bad stomach bug in our house since December 15th. Sure, it's only been two weeks, but that is a really LONG time when it comes to stomach bugs. And before that, we had two birthdays in our family to celebrate plus a family visitor. And the boys started basketball, so it's just been crazy!

Hopefully, I can at least write a few of my December posts before Friday. I've also been working to update my family blog, so it's been keeping me busy today.

It's All About Me!

At the beginning of the summer, I stumbled into this blog post from ScaryMommy, a link on BlogFrog. It was sarcastically poking fun at the other blog post by Courtney.

To summarize, in case you don't want to click over to the blog posts, the blog post by Courtney was issuing a "Summer Marriage Challenge", which I tried to follow until I got sick with the pregnancy and couldn't function normally. Basically the challenge involved doing things for your husband to put his needs (and wants) first, before your own. Pray for him, even fast for him, ask him what his needs are, ask him what his goals are for the family, show him you love him by doing things for him and focusing on him for the summer rather than yourself. In all the literature I've read on marriage, both LDS and not, one huge key to a long, happy marriage is putting the other person before yourself; in other words, being unselfish.

I had left a comment on ScaryMommy's post defending Courtney's point of view on it because so many others were leaving comments that they would never do that, how old-fashioned, how backwards, etc., etc. The one that particularly irked me was the comment left by someone saying she was Mormon and would never consider doing such a thing, it was so backwards.

Because I left a comment, that triggered an email system where I get emailed every time someone else has left a comment after mine. So I've been getting emails from ScaryMommy's blog all summer, probably in the hundreds because so many comments were left on that post.

This is the most recent comment that was left, which I received in an email on Friday:

Personally, I have a major problem with putting "another person’s needs before [one's] own." And thankfully, I live with someone who has the same policy. If I'm not happy, then my boyfriend won't be happy either. That goes both ways. All each person can do is fix their own crap in their head (and yes, we all have some of it in there) and work on fulfilling their own needs. Trying to please someone all the time else will only lead to trouble...and major unhappiness.

Really? What is so wrong with trying to put another person's needs before your own? Perhaps if more people did that, there would be less hatred in the world and more love. More peace and less war. More marriages might last and the divorce rate might go down. Not that there is never a justifiable cause for divorce, because there certainly is, but if everyone (including me) was less selfish and focused on putting the other person before themselves, the love would increase. It's not about "trying to please someone all the time". It's about looking outside yourself and focusing on someone else for once.

After I read this comment (I actually haven't read most of them, just pressed delete upon seeing the email in my inbox), I was disgusted that this is the mentality of so many people out in the world. No wonder there is so much divorce, anger, rage, bullying, etc.

Of course, I have my own vices in this area, as many of you know. Which is why I felt that Courtney's challenge was a good one. I recognize the need for selflessness. It is hard to do because we are, by nature, selfish people. But it blows me away to realize that so many people are so against being unselfish toward their partner. I'd like to check back in 15 years to all these people who left similar comments and see if their marriages are still intact. That would be an interesting survey anyway. And after reading that comment and realizing that I wasn't doing a very good job and being unselfish, I decided I need to do better. I don't want to fall into that category. I have been taught all my life the right way to treat other people, especially my spouse, and I need to be better. That comment was a slap in the face to me.

Summer Marriage Challenge

Well, I didn't exactly give up on this, I just stopped doing it. There were two weeks left and I was so busy last week with a number of things that I didn't get around to it and then this week, well, it's just the run-off from last week.

I'm not sure this challenge helped my marriage in any way, but it did help me think about how I treat my husband and try to work harder on that.

Summer Marriage Challenge: Let Him Lead

Here's this week's challenge: Support his vision. Discuss his vision for your family. Where does he see your family in 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. Share with us how you let your husband lead.



This was an interesting conversation. I asked my husband to tell me what his vision is for us, for our family. He was totally taken aback and didn't really know what I meant. I explained about this challenge and asked him where he saw us in 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years. It turns out, he doesn't really have a vision for us. I brought up how he is always goal-setting and meeting those goals for his job, so did he have any goals for the path our family should take? He didn't really have anything to say for a while and then he said, "I guess I'll have to think about that one." We haven't talked about it since.

My husband is not a goal-oriented person. If he didn't have to set goals for his job, he probably wouldn't, and I'm not even sure how much he uses those goals as guidelines for his job either. He probably sets them because he meets with a superior who has him do it but then doesn't really think about them specifically as he goes about his job, getting things done. He just gets the things done that need to be done. When it comes to the family, I'm pretty much the take-charge, goal-oriented visionary.

During that discussion, I brought up how being the husband, father and priesthood leader of our home, he is the leader. So then I asked him where he thinks he is leading us and how we can better follow? He didn't really know and said he had never thought about that before. I guess I hadn't really either until this challenge.

I definitely have my ideas of where I want us to be. The problem is that I like things to be a certain way and he's quite easy going so often he'll just go along with whatever I want. So I didn't really say anything about what I thought because I want to see what he thinks. I guess we'll try discussing it again sometime soon.

Summer Marriage Challenge: Feeding My Husband

We are to week #6 of the "Completing Him" Marriage Challenge and this week's challenge is: Make your husband a priority. Ask him what his favorite dinner, dessert and drink are. Be sure to serve him all three one night this week. Bonus: cook his favorite dishes all week long!

We all know that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach.

I would have happily joined in on this week's challenge, but it is going to have to wait because my husband had surgery on Tuesday and he has been having a hard time keeping food down all week. I could have done his favorite dinner on Monday, but he worked the night shift that night. We had a big meal for lunch, one of his favorites.

I find this challenge difficult because my husband likes pretty much everything I cook and claims he doesn't have a favorite, so I just have to be astute and guess which meal is probably his favorite. His favorite dessert is banana cream pie, so I'll be making that for sure. Favorite drink? His favorite beverage is either chocolate milk or Coke, and since we're trying to be healthier around here, he won't be getting Coke. I don't even keep soda in the house. He can have chocolate milk. But that's nothing special because we have that pretty much every night with dinner.

The dish that I am cooking for this challenge, when I am finally able to do it, is a dish that we call Italian chicken. I pound chicken pieces flat, coat them with and egg/water mixture, coat with Italian bread crumbs, then cook stove top in vegetable oil for about 5 minutes on each side on medium heat. Very juicy and tasty. He likes to dip it in Ranch dressing. I even made him a sandwich with this meal once because he was meeting us at the baseball field after work for our child's first baseball game and wouldn't get to eat until MUCH later, so I threw together a sandwich with lettuce and Ranch dressing on a French roll and he said it was really good.

I don't understand the backlash for this part of the challenge. Why not cook food your husband likes? Why not try to please him as often as possible? It just makes sense that the more charitable you are to him, the more charitable he is to you and the circle just goes on.

Communication in Marriage

Week #5 Challenge: Make a list of 5 things you currently do and ask your husband to prioritize them for you of what is important to him. For example - a clean home, home cooked dinner, coupon clipping, service at church, having friends over for dinner, watching/doing sports with him, etc.



This might appear strange, but I think this is useful because it opens up lines of communication that may not exist. Actually, when I handed my husband my list, he looked at me a little strange, but I just told him that I just wanted his opinion on it just to see what he thought and we were able to talk about it more, whereas usually, I just go about my life doing these things and he doesn't seem to care or notice. At least knowing what's important can help me divide my time more wisely and prioritize.

I made a list of things I do around here, not really having anything to do with him, so I think I missed part of the point, and I could only think of four things: taking care of the finances, planning and cooking meals, caring for the children, and cleaning the house. I know I do more than that, but it just felt like most everything I do is lumped into those categories. I didn't think to add taking care of him and his needs, but maybe I should have. When I handed him the list, I asked him if there was anything I'd overlooked that he would want to add to it, and he didn't add anything.

Here is how he prioritized it:

1. Caring for the children.
2. Cleaning the house.
3. Taking care of the finances.
4. Planning and cooking the meals.

I find it interesting that cleaning the house is #2 because he doesn't seem to really care as much as I do about order and cleanliness, so I wonder if he put that because he knows it's important to me. But at least my desire for order and cleanliness is validated.

This was insightful to me and I think helpful. At least it gave us something to talk about. :)

Admiration

I am a little behind. Last week I was supposed to write a post about the things that I admire about my husband for this challenge. Unfortunately, I had such a downer week that I didn't feel like posting anything nice about anything or anyone. So I didn't post. So this is a week late.

My husband works hard for what we have. I always wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and really don't know what I would do if I had to work. Just thinking about work and putting kids in daycare stresses me out to the point that my husband would take on a second job before I would go out and rejoin the workforce. My husband totally and fully supports my desire to stay-at-home and be the primary nurturer of our children.

My husband helps around the house when I ask him to and sometimes when I don't. He'll do dishes, take out the trash, vacuum, sweep and mop (a job I really hate) and clean the backyard (pick up dog poop and trim the lawn). He often folds laundry in the evening if I haven't had a chance to fold it during the day.

My husband will watch chick flicks with me and he even will put them in without me asking.

My husband bathes, diapers, does the bedtime routine, etc. with the kids, even when I'm home.

My husband lets me get out for girls' nights and lunches, as often as possible. In fact, he encourages me and is often suggesting it.

My husband supports my hobby--playing the violin. Lessons cost money and he encourages me to continue taking them; the books and repairs (like getting my bow rehaired) cost money, and he encourages that too.

My husband will even cook dinner on the occasion that he comes home from work and my day has been so bad that I don't have it prepared. This doesn't usually happen, but he never complains on the rare occasions that it does.

My husband is optimistic, which is good because I'm a pure pessimist. Sometimes his optimism is a bit unreal for me and I'd rather be realistic, but at least he is positively upbeat.

I'm sure there are more, but that's where I will stop.