On Public Education

I know bad teachers exist and they are definitely out there. There are also personality conflicts at times between teachers and students. I had an art teacher in junior high school who just didn't like me. Not really sure why, but she was mean to me. However, I didn't act very well in her class, which just created more of a problem. At one point, I complained loudly to my parents and they called a meeting with her, in which I meekly sat, realizing as they talked how very in the wrong I had been as well. My parents were disappointed in me for acting like I had and I realized that I had contributed to the problem.

There are some teachers out there who really shouldn't be teachers. Teachers who don't try and help struggling students. Teachers who are overly critical or unsympathetic. Teachers who do the very least they possibly can to get by in their jobs and then wonder why all their students are hating school and doing poorly.

But, I taught in public school.

Let me tell you one big thing about that.

Parents are a big part of the problem. They want someone to blame for their problems, so they blame the schools.

Most of the teachers I knew did the best that they could. They stayed late hours and worked hard. They spent lots of their own money on activities and supplies for their classes. They really cared about the students. The teachers that my children have had so far have been these kind of teachers. Are they perfect? No. Do they sometimes miss struggles or don't know how to handle something going on with my child? Yes. They are mortal, like me. I don't always catch something going on with my child, and I live with them! I have four children that I'm dealing with and I miss things, and these teachers have 30+ students that they have to keep a close watch on.

But teachers are up against a lot. They can't discipline properly because parents would complain and do complain. If the child has a problem with an academic area, parents are quick to blame the teacher for the child's inabilities rather than allowing the teacher to do some interventions to help the child. Often, parents just expect that teachers will solve all their problems without doing anything from the home end. Now, I'm not saying ALL parents do this, and it's highly probable that you readers are among the parents who are highly involved in your child's education and do all you can to help the schools succeed.

I've found though, that there are many times when I feel that something isn't going right and I complain before I've done anything about it. Then I go in to talk to the teacher and find that there's way more to the story than what I'm getting at home. And then after, the communication has happened, things improve.

I have a few examples from my own experiences as a teacher. I had a boy in my second grade class who didn't even know the letters and sounds. By second grade, most children should be reading at basic level, and most are above that. But not knowing the letter sounds is something that should have been addressed in kindergarten. So I talked to the reading specialist about the problem and she said she wanted to see him for testing. I needed to get the parents' permission to have him tested. I sent the form home for the mom to sign and after a week of it not being returned, I called. I thought maybe it had been missed, and that she would give her permission, etc. Instead, I got an earful about how I was the worst **** teacher on the planet and if I was a better teacher, I could teach him to read, no problem. She didn't acknowledge the fact that what I was seeing was linked to a learning disability and when I suggested it, she was highly offended. In the end, we did nothing. We held the student back in second grade and I moved to teach in another district. I have no idea what became of that child.

Another example is from that same class. Another boy came in a month or two after school started. He had some serious home problems. His mom was single, dad was in prison, and after getting into a fight with his mom, she sent him to live with his grandma, which was why he was at our school. He had a lot of attitude and anger; according to his short school record, he had been kicked out of two other schools for fighting. He was a behavioral challenge for me and I was constantly stressing out about how to manage his issues and still teach the rest of the class. I had ZERO support from the grandmother when it came to his behavioral problems. He even once tried to run away during the school day, and I had several people helping me chase him down and bring him back to class. About two months before the school year ended, when I finally felt I was making some progress with him, his grandmother came over to the school and confronted the principal, saying that he was being treated unfairly in class because he was black. I was blown away. I had tried everything I could possibly think of, even gleaning help and support from other teachers on how to help this child. I taught several lessons in class on loving one another, turning the other cheek, and the Golden Rule to try and help the other students be more accepting of him and hopefully to reach him somewhere inside. I had even spent time on my knees at home counseling with my Heavenly Father about how to reach this boy. The next day, he was withdrawn from our school and I never saw him again.

The point I'm trying to make is that there are a LOT of teachers out there who really are doing the best they know how. Sometimes the biggest problem in a child's success, or lack thereof, is failed communication between the teacher and the parent. A lot of times, the parents are uncooperative and unwilling to recognize that their child might have issues that need to be addressed and just want to blame someone.

One thing I really hate is hearing someone going off on a teacher and then ranting that they need to put their child in a charter school or just home school them before they've properly addressed the problem. How does that teach the child to deal with a problem? It teaches them to run away and not face their problems head-on. And often, it is not the school that is at fault. Sometimes changing to another teacher who is more willing to work with you is the solution to the problem, as I admit that some teachers don't do a whole lot to help.

Try seeing it from the teacher's perspective. They often have 30+ kids to deal with. In today's world, many of these kids are coming in with serious emotional baggage--abuse, parents in prison, split homes, step-parents, neglect, and even just absent parents who work too much. These kids are dealing with a lot, which affects their behavior and their schoolwork. And the teacher is only with them 6-7 hours a day. Since there are so many students too, the teachers are overworked. Aside from having papers to grade and lessons to plan and prep work to do, they don't get paid very well and they also have to deal with all these emotional problems that the children bring to school. They carry a lot of weight.

Teaching in the public schools is hard. But the public schools can still be great schools if everyone pulls together for the benefit of the students.

Still Sick

Well, we've been working on the positive thinking the last few days, and my son has been much more positive. However, he is still sick. Later that day when I last posted, he had another severe bout of vomiting and had diarrhea all day. I took him in to the doctor after calling the nurse line for advice and they got us in right away. She is running more tests--this time on his stool. Unfortunately, he hasn't had a bowel movement since Wednesday before that appointment, so I haven't been able to collect and turn it in to the lab for the tests. I'm getting a little antsy as we are approaching the weekend (and the lab is closed over the weekend).

I've noticed that there is a little bit of a pattern in his bouts of stomach illness. He has it for a day or two. At first, he was only better for a day or two. Then after his third bout with the illness, he was better for a little over a week. Then he got sick again. Then he was better for almost 2 weeks and got sick again.

I've been pushing probiotics in the form of yogurt for now, until I can get more advice on what else to give him. I've been pushing vitamins. He has a prescription for Prevacid to relieve the acid reflux caused by so much throwing up. Hopefully something will work. If they can find out if there's a bacteria or virus or parasite that is in his digestive tract, they will probably be able to treat that. Otherwise, we've been referred to a gastroenterologist.

I'm trying to be positive and keep happy, but life is not normal right now. He does not act like himself. I'd hate to think this is the new normal. I want my fun, happy, energetic 7-year-old back. He's been replaced by this grumpy, sick, frowny, lethargic little guy that I don't even recognize.

I hope they can figure something out. Or that with lots of rest, lots of fluids (I'm pushing fluids too), the vitamins, the probiotics, and the Prevacid, he'll improve. And lots of prayer.

The Right Motivation

Like I've said before, I am not a positive person. I'm pretty much a pessimist. However, my pessimistic ways are starting to rub off on my children. I guess that's the motivation I've needed to try and change my ways and become more positive. It's sad when your seven-year-old goes on and on about how horrible his life is and how it would be much better if he lived somewhere else or had something else. Kind of a wake-up call that I need to change so he can change.

So....

I've given him the challenge of focusing on only positive things. At the end of every day, we will write down together five things that we are grateful for that day. I think I might start a "positive jar"--fill it with marbles for positive thoughts and take them away for negative ones, and try to earn something fun with it. And I have to do it too. I even talked to him about that, if he catches me complaining or being negative, he is allowed to remove a marble from the jar for me.

What do you think?

Maybe both he and I can change our thinking to be more positive. And then maybe he won't get "feeling" sick quite so much. I honestly think he doesn't feel well because he is so negative and always afraid of not feeling well, which causes him to not feel well. So we are going to work on that and see if there is any truth in "the power of positive thinking!"

What Lies Ahead?

Do you ever look at your children and wonder what they'll be doing in five years? Ten years? Twenty years? Where you'll be then?

I was watching my sweet three-year-old daughter play with her dolls the other day. She is very obsessed with princesses, as many little girls are. She loves things that are pink and things that are pretty. She loves twirling and dancing and singing (she even tries to put vibrato in her voice). I started wondering what her interests will be when she's eight. I started wondering what she will look like when she's a teenager. Whom will she be friends with? What will her interests be? Will she still like singing and dancing? Whom will she want to date? Will I have taught her about virtue and modesty well enough?

Then I started thinking about my other kids. When my daughter is sixteen, my oldest child will be twenty. He should be on his mission. Will he be on a mission? My second son will be nineteen and should also be on a mission. Will that be what he's doing? How well will I have taught them the gospel? My third son will be seventeen. Will he and my daughter still be buddies, like they are now? Will they watch out for each other at school? Will they hang with some of the same friends, like my brother and I did in high school?

It's these moments when I reflect on how well I am a living example of what I want to teach them. Do I study my scriptures enough? Do my children see me living the gospel the way I want them to live it? How am I doing?

Sometimes, I'm not sure that I'm doing what I should be. And, of course, there are no guarantees. And sometimes I worry that they will go astray during that time. I get saddened by the thought that their young, innocent days of childhood are too short and soon they will be teenagers and young adults and making their own choices. I certainly hope that I will do all that I can to teach them to make good choices. And that they will do just that.

Sharing Rooms

Why does society have a problem with a brother and sister sharing a room? So many people on message boards that I like to read have a problem with anyone over the age of four sharing a room with a sibling of the opposite sex, even if that sibling is only two or three years old. I mean, I get that society is highly over-sexualized, but what on earth are these parents teaching their children to think they have something to worry about in that regard with a four-year-old and a three-year-old sharing a room? Or a seven-year-old boy and a four-year-old girl? It is ridiculous.

I shared a room with my two younger brothers until I was about eight years old. When I moved out of that bedroom, one of my brothers was six and the other was four. When we shared a room, we each had our own bed and we slept in our own bed and generally stayed off each other's beds unless we were playing some game, like pretending the bed was a family car. Even if we did cuddle up together to nap or just because, what is the harm in a brother and sister being loving by giving hugs and being next to each other on a bed?

My six-year-old son and three-year-old daughter currently share a room. It's just the way it has worked out for now. Partly due to the fact that when we bought the beds we did, we didn't think about the fact that they are bunk beds that do not separate into twin beds. So we have to have the kids share rooms because we own two sets of bunk beds that cannot become separate twin beds. That was a hugely stupid oversight on our part, but we'll deal with it and move on.

Our seven-year-old son and four-year-old son share the other bedroom and then we have a huge room that we use as a playroom for now. Probably in the near future, when baby number five is ready to move into a separate room from us (we like to keep them near us in our room for the first several months), we'll have to buy a twin bed and move the three older boys into the big playroom as a bedroom and move our daughter into her own room and the baby in the other room. At some point, if we stay in this house a while, we'll have all four boys share a room and use the third room as a playroom or office space.

In addition to people having a problem with opposite sex siblings sharing a room, they also seem to think that all teenagers need their own room. Now, I'm not arguing that having their own rooms wouldn't be nice, but often it's just not doable, nor is it absolutely necessary. My older two brothers shared a room until the oldest left for college. My younger three brothers shared the same room for about five years. Then we moved and the youngest got his own room and the other two shared a room until they left home for college/missions. I had my own room from the age of eight on, being the only girl. If I'd had a sister, I guarantee we'd have shared a room.

I think sharing a room teaches children to live with another person. I wished I'd had that before college. I had a really hard time sharing a room with roommates, to the point that by the end of college, I always found apartments with single rooms so I wouldn't have to share. I still have trouble sharing a room with my husband, even after nearly ten years of marriage.

What do you think about opposite sex siblings sharing a room? What do you think of teenage siblings (of the same sex) sharing a room?

Again, the Dreaded Words

I am one stressed-out mama. I've been trying to take this stuff one day at a time and be positive, you know the whole "power of positive thinking". But it's not working. My oldest child is still fighting the stomach bug. Tomorrow, it will be FOUR WEEKS of the vomiting and diarrhea, on and off. On Saturday, it will be ONE MONTH of it. He has been to the doctor two times and I've called three times for advice and reassurance. He has been tested for celiac disease, diabetes, autoimmune issues, even cancer. I am really starting to worry that something is really wrong.

He was really, really sick last Thursday. Throwing up, diarrhea, and he was having SEVERE stomach pain. This went on for about three hours on Thursday morning. After that, he slept for several hours and then felt fine the rest of the day. He went back to school on Friday. On Friday afternoon, he called from school, saying he felt sick to his stomach, the words I dread to hear, so I went and picked him up. The rest of the day he acted fine, and he ate a decent dinner that night (we had beef stew, but I only let him have the potatoes from the stew and some fruit and bread on the side).

On Saturday through Monday, he acted normally and ate normally and seemed totally back to normal. He even did this morning. But, at 1:30 today, he called again, telling me that his stomach felt sick. He hadn't thrown up yet, he wasn't sure if he felt like he would, so I told him I wasn't going to come get him. I called his teacher to get the whole story and then felt like I needed to go to the school and talk to him, but by the time I got there, 2:30, he had already gone back to class and the secretary said he just felt better and wanted to go back to class. But he didn't act like his normal self all afternoon--he was sluggish and quieter than usual and just seemed tired. I took him to piano lesson anyway and he did his homework. He ate a decent dinner and when asked, said he didn't feel sick anymore.

So now I don't know what to do. Something isn't right. I checked into problems with bullies or academics or just being bored at school, but his teacher didn't think it was any of those things because he always seems genuinely disappointed and upset when he has to miss class.

I wonder if he's psyching himself out. At family prayer this morning, he blessed himself that he wouldn't feel sick. At the blessing on the food at dinner, he blessed the food that it wouldn't make him sick. Maybe he is so paranoid about being sick again that he is making himself sick? Is that even possible for a seven-year-old? I know the power of the mind, so maybe it's possible that he is doing this. But how do you get a seven-year-old to change to more positive thinking if that is indeed the problem?

I was really feeling great yesterday and today, feeling like we'd finally seen the end of this horrible stomach virus. But now I'm worried that it's something else that happened to coincide with a stomach virus or maybe there's something in our house causing him to get sick? And how on earth would I ever figure that out?

What do I do? I just don't know what to do next. Help!

How Much Does Technology Really Help?

Recently, I heard a news story about the decision of one school board about whether or not to give each student their own ipad. My husband and I had a lengthy discussion about this.

Do kids as young as first grade really need such technologies? I mean, I can understand high school students, who probably use the Internet a lot and need to be a little more up-to-date on technology, but little primary grade students are still trying to learn basic skills in reading, writing and math. I'm beginning to believe that the advancements in technology and the expectation for little kids to use it has been a huge factor in contributing to the dumbing down of our children.

Yes, dumbing down. This generation of children does not need to learn basic math. Why should they? They can just access their calculators on their cell phones. This generation of children doesn't need to learn how to read either. There is probably some app on some phone or ipad or laptop that reads out loud for them whatever e-book they are "reading". This generation doesn't need to know how to read time from a face clock when there are digital clocks all around them (although I'm fairly certain this has become a problem since the late 80's, early 90's). And writing is even worse--nobody needs to perfect their handwriting anymore and make it legible because we can type. Even though there are great other skills that are learned with perfecting one's handwriting--like patience, perseverance, etc.

Future generations won't even need to learn face-to-face communication skills because everything will be done by technology. With the way things are evolving, children will sit at home facing a computer screen for all their schooling and there will be little human interaction.

Not sure what to do about this trend, but I think the lack of interpersonal communication, the changing over from real books to e-books, all of this is losing certain skills that enhance our ability to think and reason and will truly contribute to "dumbing" our society down. It's already happening everywhere.

I have a nephew who is a genius on the computer at the age of 8. But he has no idea how to interact with other children. He struggles with basic skills, like tying shoes, and keeping himself entertained without a screen of some sort in front of him. I think that it's sad that an 8-year-old has so little imagination because his whole life technology has just been shoved at him as a way to keep him quiet and entertained. Yes, he may be able to navigate an i-pod better than I can (and that's an understatement--I still own no sort of mp3 player--I like listening to old-fashioned radio and CD's), but he can't come up with something to do on a rainy day where the power has gone out and he's all out of batteries.

I don't think we are doing our children any favors by offering so much technology. I think they need to learn basic skills first and master those before switching to technology. I think that elementary age children don't need a personal i-pad or other form of technology--buy paper and pencils and use the money the school district would have from NOT buying such things and pay 5-6 more teachers and have smaller class sizes.

As much as I love having email, Facebook, blogging, and webcams to communicate with friends and family everywhere, I really detest how much technology rules our lives.