Friday, September 17, 2010

How Little Control We Really Have

Occasionally you have those experiences that remind you how little control you really have over anything. My children have all been perfectly healthy. Aside from my oldest being born five weeks early, which was truly a huge surprise and the doctors gave no reason for the prematurity--no infections, no loss of amniotic fluid, no problems whatsoever, my children have all been perfectly healthy from day one. They hit all their milestones at the right times, even early.

So it was a surprise when my 3-year-old (he'll be four next week) suddenly started having problems with his eyes crossing and then balance issues. I took him to the pediatrician, fully expecting just a referral to a pediatric opthamalogist. But he failed his neurological exam because of his balance issues, so she issued bloodwork and set him up for an MRI to check for a possible brain tumor.

The bloodwork came back negative. All the results were normal and perfect. That ruled out leukemia and a few other things. But the MRI came back with something. Cysts in his brain. The pediatrician does not know the significance of the cysts and doesn't want to start a battery of blood tests without consulting a pediatric neurologist first.

So that is where we are. We will be seeing a pediatric neurologist and also a pediatric opthamalogist in the next few weeks.

Part of me feels certain that it's nothing and all will be okay. But there is the teensiest part of me that wonders if this could be a sign of a huge underlying problem.

And then I realized how little control I have over any of this. Just life in general. It's been a powerful reminder of who is really in charge. And I guess if the one in charge sees fit to give my child some major health issues, so be it. I can't do anything about it. I hope this is not the case. I always imagined this child, who always has been extremely well-coordinated, as an athlete. Maybe that won't be the case.

I just have to remember that God is in charge and He has a plan.


Giggles said...

Those are such scary moments in life. And while you can know that while you don't have control of everything there is Someone who does, there can be a difference between knowing it in your heart and knowing it in your mind.

Giggles said...

Oh, and stopping by from MMB.

Nikki said...

Thanks for sharing such an inspirational message. It's given me much to ponder. Stopping by from MMB. I'm so glad I found this site.

Lisa @ Pulsipher Page said...

It's amazing the things we really can handle when we've thought there's no way. The Lord knows you and your family and will be with you every step of the way. Praying the doctors will know how to help your little guy.

Stacy said...

Jenna, I've been thinking about you and your son all week. You know that we've been on much the same journey. The specifics are different, but the medical jungle is the same. It's a scary place, that's for sure, but you, your son, and your family will be strengthened.

I remember vividly, both times Max had surgeries, feeling the power of prayers from everyone lifting me up. You will see miracles, and learn and stretch more than you thought possible, even if it turns out to be nothing.

Let me know if you need some practical "navigating Primary Children's" advice. And if you're scheduling at the pediatric opthamologist, schedule the first appointment of the day, or the first after lunch, otherwise, you'll wait for hours.

Valerie said...

I can't imagine how difficult that must be waiting for an answer. I pray that everything will be okay and they will find the answers quickly.

I read your post below about the challenge to put your husband's needs before your own. I agree with the challenge, and your thoughts. I am recently divorced and am trying to strengthen myself to be a wonderful wife if I ever get that blessing. I appreciated that post!

Andrea Fowles said...

Jenna, we have been thinking of you so much. You are being very brave. You are so right that there is so much in life that just happens and it's us to decide how we will handle what is given to us as trials. What we do know is that the Lord is with us every single step of the way. Love you all!!

Devin & Ruthann said...

Oh my goodness! I'll be praying for you. Keep me updated.

Hilary said...

Uh, it's times like these when I try to remember how many of us have LOTS of problem that we just don't even know about.

I hope and pray it's nothing.
{keep up the good work}

Royalbird said...

Thanks for all the love and support. We have not heard back from the doctor's office about the appointment, so I will be calling this afternoon. But his eyes haven't been crossing as much lately, so I don't know what to make of it. We just have to wait and see what the specialists say.

swedemom said...

I am so sorry. I pray that you will be blessed to get the medical care that your son needs and that he will be blessed and protected. Prayers to you and your husband as you cope with the fear and worries of the unknown.


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