Food Cravings

You know what is the worst? When you crave something, so that's what you decide to fix but then you taste something else while you're out and now that's all that sounds good. I've been wanting pizza all day, which is good since Fridays are pizza nights and I always make pizza. But then, when I was at the grocery store, I sampled some steak they were cooking up and it was so tasty. Now all I want is steak. Go figure.

Of course, now that I'm looking at the pictures of pizza, that looks delicious again. Maybe I'm just hungry.

Baby Problems

For me, if someone wants to torture me, all they'd have to do is keep me awake long enough for me to be sleep deprived. Yup, this is torturous to me.

Saturday night: baby went down FINALLY around 9 pm. Woke up at 10:30. Down again at 11:00. Woke again around 1:30. Down again by 2 pm. Woke again at 4:30 then again at 5:30 and wouldn't go back to sleep. At 8:30, I finally got him down for a nap and he slept until 10:30. Went to church, came home, he slept again from 2:30 to 3:50. Same story Sunday night.

Sunday night: down FINALLY around 9 pm, after two hours of trying to get him to go to sleep. Woke up SCREAMING at 10:15. Put him down and he woke up SCREAMING again at 11:30. I brought him into bed with me and the rest of the night was the same--45 minutes of sleep then 30 minutes of screaming.

Monday: Woke up for the day at 6 am. Baby went down for a nap FINALLY at 10 am. Slept til 12:30. Took another nap from 2:30 to 4:00. Went to bed at 7 pm. Slept until 7 am.

Tuesday: Woke at 7 am. Went down for nap at 8:30 am. Slept until 10 am. Second nap not until 1:30 pm. Slept until 2:30 pm. Fell asleep at 6:45 in carseat and stayed asleep until 9:15 pm. Went back to sleep and slept until 4:30.

Wednesday: 4:30 a.m. Baby up. Wouldn't go back to sleep. 8:45 nap. Woke up 9:15. 11:45 nap. Woke up 12:15.

Now it's 1:40 and he won't go to sleep but it doesn't matter because I have to take one of my other kids in to the doctor for a regular checkup anyway and if he fell asleep I'd just be waking him up.

I feel like screaming and crying.

Most of all, I just want to sleep.

On top of all that, I'm just not feeling good.

I'd really like a break. I'd really like for the doctor to just figure out what's wrong with my baby so he can eat and sleep like a normal baby.

Yes, he's seven months old and still not on solids because every time I try any solids, he gets bad tummyaches and won't sleep and spends all his time screaming. We waited TWO weeks between every single introduction to solids.

In my book, it points to something wrong with his digestive system. Not a food allergy. A food allergy would be consistent with one food and with elimination, the problem would be resolved. We even changed his formula. After having a rough adjustment to a new formula, he's not doing any better.

He doesn't show signs of a food allergy either. His poop is regular, although he seems to have trouble passing it, it is not constipated (not hard or dry). It's not super runny and super frequent either, like diarrhea would be. There is no blood in his stool. There is no vomiting. There is spit up, but compared to the spit up he had up until about 5 months, it's really quite minimal and not nearly as bad as any of the other kids.

The only signs that something is wrong are how often he screams and cries when he should be sleeping and how little he sleeps.

I'm really convinced that something isn't right, but I don't know what and I don't know how to convince a doctor to take a closer look. I'm afraid to give him solids. I'm afraid to give him formula. I'm afraid of feeding him at all. He pushes the bottle out of his mouth while screaming in hunger at the same time.

Something isn't right.

Something simply isn't right.

Don't Judge Too Quickly

My friend posted this link on Facebook. I read the whole blog post, which was rather long. It was about how a father in a store had belittled his child to make him feel like nothing. The man who wrote the post, a single father, was upset because he sees too many dads doing such things and not realizing how powerful a role they have in their child's life.

I agree with much of what he said about the role of fathers and how a comment, a touch, a kind word or an angry word, can make or break a child was true. I think dads play a powerful role in the life of a child and a very important one.

However, I think in his overly long rant, he went a bit too far. Sometimes, as parents, we just get angry. Sometimes, as parents, we say angry words that are hurtful to our children. Sometimes we don't apologize for them either. I don't think that necessarily will screw our kids up for life because we might do that.

And we also shouldn't really judge what another person is doing at a grocery store in the five or so minutes we see them. We don't know the whole story. Someone posted a video on Facebook a while ago about not knowing the whole story, seeing through new lenses. I wish I could post the link but I couldn't find a non-Facebook link to the video. A man is having a bad day and annoyed with the people around him until he is handed the special glasses. When he puts the glasses on, he sees a statement with each person explaining a little bit of what they're going through and he begins to understand why people act the way they do.

So let's not judge others on their parenting unless they're actually being abusive. I don't think it's right. I've had those days where I was the one yelling at my kids in the grocery store and I don't feel like I'm a terrible parent. We all have bad days. In the meantime, we can try to control our anger and be better parents.

P.S. Try this link to the video and see if it works (if you're on Facebook).

Sewing Club

When I was in fourth grade, my friend and I wanted to start a sewing club. We thought it would be a fun place to be with friends and to also learn how to sew. We planned all these fun projects we could do (neither of us really knowing how to sew at that point). We organized every minor detail of the club. It was all very exciting. But it never panned out.

It would have been neat if we had made it work. I remember going through my mom's patterns and picking out the ones we wanted to learn how to do. I can even remember some of the specific patterns.

The thing is that I wasn't brave enough to actually initiate starting the club. My friend and I talked about it all the time. It really was mostly a club just for the two of us where we talked about sewing. But to actually start the club, well, neither of us had the nerve to try, especially me.

It's kind of too bad that I'm still like that. I have all these ideas but am always afraid to try them. Or when I finally do, I try them with the wrong people, people who, although good friends of mine, aren't really interested in doing something like that.

I think it would be awesome to go on a cruise with a bunch of girlfriends, or have a girl weekend away and go to the beach or somewhere fun. But I don't seem to have a group of girlfriends who share that interest.

I think it would be fun to have a girls group where we have girls night out, but we don't always just meet at a restaurant and talk. Playing board games is fun. Meeting to go do something, like ice skating or bowling, or going to a museum or another tourist site would be fun. But I can't ever seem to make that happen.

So, if you're a cool chick who makes things like that happen, what's your secret?

Same as Always Sunday

I almost didn't go to church today. I just didn't want to. I was up with the baby at 10:30, 12:30, 4:30 and 5:30 last night. My husband closed at work, so he worked from 4:30 pm until 2:00 a.m. That pretty much makes him useless all day Sunday. I'm lucky if he makes it to church on the days after he closes. Though it's better now with him working only 15 minutes away and church not starting until 11 a.m., but I feel like his mother dragging him out of bed at 10:15, begging him to hurry so we won't be late for church.

Anyway, back to the original story. I didn't want to go to church. I'm tired of church through my eyelids. Frankly, it's majorly uncomfortable to try and sit upright in a pew or in a chair for three straight hours as exhausted as I am, not to mention embarrassing at how easily I fall asleep.

I get nothing out of church. Nothing. I don't even feel the Spirit anymore. Can't remember what that feels like, really.

And I knew that if I went to church, I wouldn't get a decent nap at all today. I was right. I got to sleep for about 20 minutes before my husband had to leave for work again. When he left through the garage, that woke the baby up, and I had to get up. Now the baby won't go to bed.

Anyway, I did go to church. I guess my sense of duty is more powerful than my exhaustion. I don't remember a thing that was said. Mostly, though, I went because at 10:15 am, my husband was still not out of bed and the kids were all ready to go. So I got myself dressed (had showered at 5:30 am when the baby wouldn't go back to sleep) and made sure the rest of us were ready. We actually weren't late this time and even got there early enough to sit up front. But still, I hate rushing to church, especially since I'm up at the crack of dawn (actually, much earlier now that it's darker later), and I hate going to church tired. Lately, I find myself not wanting to go to church at all. Yet, still I go. Now that's dedication for you.

Favorite Toys

My favorite toy(s) as a child were my Barbie horses. I had three of them. Dallas, Dixie and Honey. I played with those things so much that I ended up breaking off most of the their legs from the knees down. They did not survive my childhood even though my Barbies did.

Honestly, though, I had forgotten about my Barbie horses until my daughter started getting into My Little Pony. I remembered that I had two My Little Ponies. One was a purple unicorn with a white mane and tail and the other was a white pegasus with an orange mane and tail. I was explaining to my husband how I didn't really like the My Little Ponies as much as I liked the Barbie horses because the Barbie horses were more realistic. I never did get into My Little Pony very much.

Upon remembering this, I decided to see if I could find any of these Barbie horses on E-bay. I ended up finding ALL of them on E-bay, plus ones that were before my time and even later. I bid on all the ones I could and won almost all of them. Now, I have a full set of the Barbie horses I had, two of them are mint, in my closet and all the extras I won went into my daughter's toy box.

My husband laughs at me for buying the mint ones. He asked if I would ever let my kids play with them and I told him probably not. I just wanted them to look at and remember some of my favorite times as a child, I guess.

IMPROVE the Moments

So I've been doing a little therapy these last couple of months, just to work through some things and to try and gain a better perspective. Anyway, I learned this great technique for when I feel like things are flying out of control and I feel panicky and anxious. Here it is: IMPROVE the moments.

Imagery--Focus on an image, either imagined or real, that brings peace and serenity. This could be a memory, faces of people you love, a picture hanging in your house, etc.

find Meaning--Think "What can I learn from this?"  instead of "Why is this happening to me?"

Prayer--Pray for strength, comfort, answers, etc. to help get through the moment.

Relaxation--Do something that relaxes you.  A bubble bath, playing the piano, going for a walk, etc.

One thing in the  moment--Focus on only one thing that you can get done or that needs to be done.

Vacation--Take a break.  Either a real vacation, like a girls night out, or just a change of scenery, like taking the kids to the park to get out of the house on a nice day.

Encouragement--Give yourself self-encouragement "You can do this!" 

I feel like this has been helping me, simply by giving me something to focus on when I'm feeling like things are out of control.  Which, with five kids under nine, is bound to happen at least once a day or more!