Monday, August 31, 2009


When I was in school, I made friends easily. Moving around a lot also provided me with the opportunity to see who my friends really were. I have quite a few friends from my past that I still keep in touch with, even after more than 20 years since I've even seen them. I can name about 8-10 friends that I've kept in touch with, first by regular mail and then later by email and now through Facebook and blogging, I'm able to really keep up with them.

However, since I got married, my ability to make such friends has really gone downhill and now I'm more of a loner. I just recently read about some gals in my ward that entered a triathlon together. They trained together and did it together. Some of these sisters are the same sisters who took a road trip to Utah for Women's Conference together. They shop together, have lunch on occasion, have girls' night out's, and the like. I really have made very few, if any, friends since marriage that I feel I could do any of that with. I don't think I've had a shopping partner since I was in college, actually. I did have the opportunity about a month ago to go ice skating with a friend of mine, but she and I were roommates before husbands were even on the horizon for us.

Now that I'm moving again, I have to try once more to make friends. I never seem to be able to make the kind of friends I was able to make before marriage. I think that too many women see me only as the mom and wife that I am and the other me, the one who has interests outside of marriage and motherhood. Then again, I don't feel like I know anyone on that level either. People are so shielded, they really don't share anything. Since I started noticing how little people share of themselves, I started to do it too. I generally keep my mouth shut when in a large group and share nothing personal. Somewhere along the way I decided that people don't really care about that and don't really want to know, so why bother opening up?

So it's my goal that with this move, I try and find the person I used to be and bring her back from the dead. Don't know how to do it, but I will just have to try!


swedemom said...

Jenna, I've always thought you've been so good at making friends. And you have been so diligent about staying in touch. I appreciate your weekly emails and the updates you post on your blog.

I also agree with you that it gets harder to find and make friends. For some reason, we get more close-mouthed. I suppose my husband would appreciate it more if I dumped my load of useless and random items about the day on a friend instead of him, saving other topics of conversation for him.

I also think that sometimes women feel guilty that they desire other friends, feeling bad that their husband, supposedly the best friend, isn't fulfilling all of the friendship needs. But I really think that women have important social needs that must be fulfilled with deep friendships.

I hope you are able to meet women that you can call true friends when you move!

Stacy said...

I've struggled with this too- if you've read my blog recently, I've been boobing about it a lot! Its hard to make friends that are more than surface friends. I hope you have a lot of luck and are surrounded by good people in your new home.

BYU Hottie said...

I don't think she's dead. Maybe just hibernating....? ;)


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