Friday, May 27, 2011

I Feel a Panic Attack Coming On

Have any of you ever reached that point where you are one step away from either a nervous breakdown or complete insanity?

That's where I'm at.

Going from one to two kids was insanely hard for me. I dealt with postpartum depression, my second baby did not sleep well for the first four months. In fact, he went one 36 hour stretch where he only slept a total of about 4 hours. It was pure torture.

Going to three and then to four were not as hard as that first transition.

This time around has just been grueling.

I know my baby isn't doing this on purpose. He's not purposefully trying to make me crazy by not sleeping long enough--try only thirty minute naps ALL day long. But I've had to hand him off to my 8-year-old to keep me from doing anything horrible already today. I just can't take it any more. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong, why he won't sleep longer than 30 minutes. I watch that 90 minute window carefully and watch him carefully for signs of sleepiness and then put him down. He's eating well. He's pooping. So why isn't he sleeping?

And then when I finally do get a break from him, I get anxiety over what I should spend my time doing. Should I work on my enormous to-do list that never ends to which things keep adding up on it (and I have to do most of the tasks--my husband can't do many of those things, like sewing) or should I take a nap and get some much needed sleep?

And it doesn't help at all that I've come down with a bad cold.

My son's baptism is next weekend and we have family coming in town for that.

My baby's blessing is also next weekend.

I got called up for jury duty this week. I mean, when they asked if there were any dates I would be unavailable between May 2nd and June 30th, I never thought I'd get called up this week when everything is slamming on me at once! I really hope that I go in and they send me home and then I don't have to report any other day but the first.

Seriously, though, it would follow the pattern of bad luck from the rest of my life if I ended up doing jury duty all week. It really would.

I think I'm going to have a panic attack now.

Oh wait, I can't. I have to start making dinner.


swedemom said...

I know what that is like. I've had months where it was never-ending and I didn't know if I would make it.
Hugs to you. Take the nap, you'll probably feel better.

What are you sewing that is so important right now?

swedemom said...

I suppose this is heresy, but could you put him in a part of the house where you can't hear him and let him be? As long as he isn't hungry and has a clean diaper, he should be fine.

Royalbird said...

I'm sewing a dress for Eliza and a skirt for myself that I meant to have made by Easter but didn't get done. I want to get them done by this weekend for the baptism and baby blessing of two of our kids. I guess it's not really so important that I get them done, but I wanted to get the dress done for my daughter before she outgrows the pieces I already cut out!


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