Tuesday, April 29, 2008
I have been frequenting Facebook as of late, finding many past acquaintances from all the places I've lived. As I've exchanged messages with them through Facebook, I've found that there are so many people I could have shared good friendships with while I was among them, but I didn't. I was too busy trying to be popular and fit in with the "in" crowd.
I think it was my senior year of high school when I figured out that it's not how many friends you have and how popular you are, but what kind of friends they are. I actually had some pretty great friends my senior year. There were some people in past years that I didn't share valuable friendships with because the "in" crowd had somehow deemed them less than worthy. Sure, I was nice to them (I don't think I was ever blatantly mean to anyone), but I never really built a friendship. I was too focused on fitting in with the popular kids.
It's sort of sad that some of us tend to do that. We want acceptance and to be valued by those who often have a powerful influence on others (the "popular" or "in" crowd). Yet we don't always realize that many other people could give us friendships that would be more valuable to us. We have more in common with them, or they simply treat us better and therefore make a better friend.
Not everyone has done this or does this still, I realize that, but I have often fallen into this trap. I have even fallen into this trap in my college years (trying to be better pals with certain, more "popular" roommates than the ones that would have made better friends, etc.) and even beyond college (trying to always be friends with the people who seem to be "popular"). I don't know why that mentality captures me time and time again. Maybe I just want acceptance, but being accepted by the people who truly love me doesn't seem to cut it. I don't know. All I know is that I'm sorry I missed out on some great friendships in the past. I'm trying to remedy some of that now, but I guess the ultimate ideal would be to somehow transform into a person who doesn't need that "in" crowd acceptance, someone who can just enjoy the friendships she has rather than always wonting for more. Consider it a lesson learned (however failing the application of it may be).