Friday, October 29, 2010

Brothers and Sisters

I need to vent right now.

Yesterday we went in for the ultrasound. We found out the sex of the baby. It's another boy. So we will have four sons and one daughter.

I myself have five brothers and no sisters. I have always been a little sad at not having a sister. Women with sisters are so lucky. They may have their differences, like all siblings do, but they have a built-in friend, someone they can confide in and share with. My brothers married good women, and I think I have great sisters-in-law, even the sisters of my husband are pretty cool. But when they need a confidante, or they need to vent or they need someone just to talk with, they go to their own sisters, not the sister of their husband or the wife of their brother. And I feel like I'm bothering them when I call them wanting to talk because I'm not their sister, just their sister-in-law. So I hardly ever do.

Boys grow up to men. Men are silent. They do not share emotionally the way women do, they do not bond in such ways. I do have a brother that I am close with and occasionally I call him when I need to vent or need advice. But he looks at everything from a man's perspective and is sometimes rather harsh and cold, not like a sister would be.

So I'm deeply saddened at the fact that, like myself, my daughter won't have a sister. It seems so unfair that she has to deal with the same thing I've missed out on all my life. I've never related well to other women and I've always blamed that on the fact that I grew up with boys. My poor daughter now has my same fate.

Being the only girl with all brothers isn't such a bad thing--there are some cool things about it and my cousins (two of my cousins have the same family make-up, they are the only girls with four or five brothers) seem to have handled it well. They seem to have found "sisters" in friends and others like I never really could.

But now I worry that my daughter will end up like me--not really able to relate well to the female crowd.

And the worst part for me is that almost all the people I know right now who are pregnant are having girls. When all the girl results started coming in, I knew I was having a boy because that is what happened with my oldest. He has only girl cousins his age. And most of my friends who were pregnant at the same time had girls as well. So it will be with this one. Only girl cousins his age and everyone else seems to be having a girl.

I know I should be happy, and I'll get there eventually, I hope. I just feel like I missed out on something by not having a sister. I love my brothers. But they aren't sisters, it's as simple as that.


Spring said...

I'm sure you'll fall head over heels for that little guy as soon as he comes out. I remember being disappointed when we found out our first was a girl, and not a boy. It's hard to explain that feeling. I was happy for a girl, but we'd really wanted a boy. I, of course, wouldn't trade her for anything. I grew up in a family of 5 girls, no boys. I found girls completely baffling most of my adolescent years and a good portion of the time now. My real best friends, the ones I could really talk to, were always boys. Now that I am married, that isn't an option. I've forced myself out of that shell and really tried to get to know other women. It's not always easy for me. I do have a couple sister's I'm close with now, as an adult, because I've tried. I'm not as comfortable with a couple of my other sisters, though. I think some people are born with that ability to form a "sister" relationship with others easily. I definitely have to work on it.

NatureGirl said...

If it is any consolation, I have one brother and one sister. I love my sister and we talk a lot, but my brother is my real confidant and best friend...

swedemom said...

Jenna, when I found out my fifth baby was a boy. I cried and couldn't talk about it for days. I felt the same sorrow that you do. I want my daughter to have a sister. But it just isn't going to happen. I know how important sisters are and I want that for my daughter. It took me a few weeks before I could accept it and move on. Of course, since having my Jonathan, I don't feel bad at all. I still regret not having another daughter, but I try not to dwell on it. Hugs and prayers to you. I hope you are able to feel better.

Royalbird said...

Thanks for your comments. I appreciate them. I'm sure I'll just love this little guy, but I will admit, I will probably always feel that longing for another daughter, just like I've always felt the longing for another sister.


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