Seriously, I could have been a good one, I think. I did take ballroom classes for a few semesters and even toyed with the idea of trying out for the team, but my ambition to get through school fast (and on someone else's bill--full academic scholarship for four years) prevented me from even trying. If not ballroom, perhaps Olympic gymnastics. Okay, maybe not the Olympics, but perhaps collegiate would have been fun. I sure do miss having such grace and control of my body that I did back then. I did gymnastics from the age of 4 through the age of 16 and had to quit because of a state-to-state move and the fact that my parents just couldn't afford it anymore (what with trying to raise 5 other kids who needed things!).
I have too many unfulfilled dreams and underdeveloped talents and now that I'm starting to get age lines and a bad back and have found myself with the inability to go up and down stairs without tripping, I sure do miss my younger self and all the future dreams I had that could have been. Now those are over and I can't go back and do those again. Sure, I can learn ballroom dance, but I can't be on a competitive team like at BYU. Sure, I could probably coach beginner and intermediate level gymnastics, but that's not the same as doing it.
I guess I have to come to terms with the fact that our bodies just age and even if I had participated in competitive ballroom or went really far with gymnastics, at some point my body would have told me to stop anyway. It's just going through life knowing that I never got the chance to try that kills me. I guess.
6 comments:
I could have written your entire post here. Sometimes I just ache for the time when I was in gymnastics. I wanted to go as far as I could.. and obviously I went as far as I could, but not as far as I wished. I also had to give it up for financial reasons.
I feel the same way sometimes. Obviously not about gymnastics or ballroom dancing, because I have absolutely no coordination, but about all the other dreams I had in high school and college of performing and traveling, and being an amazing mother and violinist.
Sigh.
Most of the time, I just have to tell myself that I'm doing the most important thing I could possibly be doing right now. And I hope that by mothering and teaching violin, that I'm touching more lives than I would as a professional performer.
I cannot tell you why RB, but I have thought about you a great deal over the past weeks since we first crossed paths over this subject. I will keep reading...
I just came across your blog today and feel that I too could have written this post! I have been struggling with these very same feelings over the last couple of years and I am tormented daily by them now. I actually was pursuing ballroom on a competitive team when I was younger, but put it on a back burner to go home and get married. I also had dreamed as hard as any girl could to compete in the Olympics in the equestrian events. I gave that up to pursue ballroom. And now I too am a stay-at-home mom who has relatively small goals in comparison that mostly revolve around the family or finances. It is a hard transition to make and I am trying my hardest to come to terms with it. I think it's a matter of priorities and balance though. I certainly wouldn't trade my husband or son for any of those experiences because they are my priority, but I think it's important as moms to find something for ourselves to do that we can personally identify with. At this stage of my life all I can ask for is some balance. Thank you for your thought on this topic and good luck with your quest. Also, know that you are not alone in this.
I am starting to think that giving up the activities and things you loved when you were younger in exchange for motherhood (and also the things that come with growing up) is something nobody really warns you about. You never really know once it's done. There are so many other things I could have also done and spent more time doing when I had the time. I agree that we need to find a balance so we don't completely lose ourselves, but our children get to have their turn now. That's hard for me to accept sometimes when I'm really missing what I used to be able to do.
I am grateful for the prospect of eternity...when our bodies are awesome and we can try all the things we always wanted...if that is our priority!
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