I was talking with a friend of mine who is not a member of my faith (the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints) but a fellow Christian of my struggles. She handed me this book:
Generally, I don't read very much non-LDS Christian literature. I try to stick to writings by the general authorities even more than just a published LDS author who writes on the subject. So I wasn't really that interested in reading the book. But, because of her sweet sincerity when she gave it to me and her love and compassion for me, I decided that it couldn't hurt to just read one little book about praying for your husband, even if it wasn't written from an LDS standpoint.
So I read it.
It is a thoughtfully written book. I have always been taught to pray; I have always been taught about the importance and the significance of marriage; I have always known of the seriousness of the marriage commitment and how divorce tears apart families and hurts those involved at very deep levels. I have never thought about any of this in the deep way this author presents it.
What a concept! Praying for your husband's every aspect of his well-being! His work, his finances, his affection, his temptations, his mind, his fears, his purpose, his trials, his integrity, and so on. Praying in great depth for each of these aspects throughout the month and then going and doing it again. And the author's testimony of the power of prayer in her marriage! I was truly moved.
I'm so glad my friend cared enough to try and help me out in her own way. I'm also finding that indeed my other Christian friends share many similar beliefs and have parts of truth. And I hope that these ideas will help me work through my bitterness and repair my marriage. Since it is mostly me that needs to change anyway.
3 comments:
Good ideas can come from so many different sources! Someone suggested a Dr. Laura book to me several years ago. "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". I'm not a Dr. Laura fan at all. So I borrowed the book and then stared at it for months. I got bored one day so I finally read it. It was basically a "get over yourself" wake-up call. Things weren't really bad for us, but this was a huge help. It opened up dialogue, and I implemented only the things that I felt applied to us. Still not a Dr. Laura fan, but I still use some of the ideas that work!
Being married is hard. So is being a mother. It just is. But, as you know, nothing worthwhile was ever really easy.
I believe in the power of prayer to help change hearts and strengthen us.
One thing that has helped me in my own marriage is consciously remembering all the good things about my husband and sharing my gratitude about the things he does for our family. He feels loved. And I focus less on things that bother me.
Jenna, I've been thinking about you a lot. Two other things have come to my mind:
1. I really believe in the power of the atonement to heal people's hearts and lives. I think it is worthwhile to consider how it can help heal your heart.
2. Have you considered counseling? If you have insurance through your husband's job, do they have an Employee ASsistance Program? My husband's company has an EAP and they provide 8 sessions of counseling for free. I've signed up for them because of some depression I've experienced. Anyhow, I think that counseling can be tremendously helpful and you shouldn't discount it, even if money is tight. The church can and does help in that area.
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