I think I need to relearn how to pray. I mean, I know the pattern of prayer. I try to pray every morning and night. Sometimes I forget, but mostly I do it.
But I don't think I know what it is to really pray.
I think about what I'm going to pray about while I'm doing my various tasks--washing the dishes, cleaning the bathrooms, taking a shower. But when I kneel down to pray, all those thoughts leave me and I can't remember what it was that I wanted to pray about so badly. You know, like how you think out what you will say to that ex-boyfriend if you ever run into him, so you sound chic and suave and like you really have it together but then when you finally do bump into him out of the blue, all you can do is stammer a "hello" without looking him in the eye and then running off the other way? That's how it is when I pray, it's like I can't remember all the things I wanted to tell my Heavenly Father so I don't really pray. I just sort of pray.
Sometimes I wish I could have a heart-to-heart, like sitting down on a big couch and talking with Him like I would my earthly parents. I tell them something, then they respond with advice and so on and so on. Or maybe they just tell me that everything will be okay, because that's what their life experience has taught them. While all my prayers are, indeed, answered, getting a warm fuzzy feeling of comfort or following a prompting aren't the same as someone telling you to your face that it will all be okay.
I know it will all be okay. But remembering that on a day-to-day basis when things aren't going very well is hard to do sometimes.
I have to work on really praying, really communicating with God. Because right now, I don't think I do a very good job. At least I don't ever feel like I've really prayed.