Nightmares

Last night I had a nightmare. I've actually had quite a few heartpounding nightmares lately. They always involve something happening to one of my kids. I think I need to keep a dream diary so if and when I ever seek counseling, I might be able to share some of it and get some insights.

In my dream last night, we were playing at a park. The park had older playground equipment. Those of you who lived in Richardson might be familiar with Heights Park. Think of the rocket there, or actually anything on that playground. Not the safest equipment by today's standards. In my dream, there was a similarly high platform to the rocket at Heights but it was more like the submarine in design. In my dream, I was at the top of it with my kids, but I was holding the new baby. My daughter, who is three, got too close to the edge and slipped off, falling all the way to the ground below.

In my dream, my parents were both there. My dad was on the ground, and he was the first to go over and investigate. When I got down to the bottom, he was just standing there looking at her. She was limp and lifeless, but still breathing, so I scooped her up and yelled for someone to call 9-1-1. Nobody acted, so I found my cell phone and dialed. The 9-1-1 operator wouldn't listen to my story and kept interrupting me, telling me that there were certain conditions to be met before someone would come. I was frantic. I carried my daughter, with everyone who was there following me, to my grandparents' house, which was nearby. My grandpa (my dad's dad) was there too. He knew a guy who knew a guy and was able to get the EMT's to finally come. They came and whisked her away. I went along.

In the end of the dream, she was on life support with a breathing tube and we were all just waiting to hear what the prognosis was. Then I woke up and realized it was all just a bad dream.

During the dream, though, it all seemed so real. I should have known it wasn't when my grandpa was in the dream because he passed away about 6 or 7 years ago. But I have had many very similar dreams. One involved my third son getting run over by a lawnmower. Other dreams have involved my children slipping under the water and drowning just out of my reach.

I think I have worries that I won't be able to balance everything and that I feel overwhelmed with all the kids, because most often I have these terrifying dreams right before or after we've had a new baby.

I am so glad that I woke up and that it was only a dream. Because it would be horrible to experience something like that in reality.